I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
