her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
