pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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