how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
