Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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