Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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