Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
