Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
