I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
