im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
