Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
