Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
