dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
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Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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