Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
