and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
