no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
