i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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