he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Randomize
