Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
