mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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