turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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