i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
