I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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