Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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