you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
