I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My feet surprised me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
