people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
