you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
