wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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