gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
