Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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