I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
