Got a toothbrush?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
