Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize