Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
