i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
