Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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