At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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