we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
