why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
