No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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