I'm laying in your front yard are you home
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
