Where did you get a picture of my penis
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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