Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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