so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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