Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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