I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
