i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
