I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
