I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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