i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
