Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
