Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
