East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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