i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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