I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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