Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
