Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
