I am spending my child support on dildos
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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