im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
