I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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