I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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