Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
