Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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