oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
