I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
